My best friend and I were having a conversation, and somewhere along the line we got to discussing relationships, independence, etc. She asked me, but if I become so self-sufficient and so happy and content with myself, why would I date, what would that person be doing to my life if I’m happy without him already.
It took me a split second to think about it, and then I came up, with what to me was the perfect analogy, and not just because it’s a food analogy. Here are my thoughts on why we should pursue what we pursue in our life, whether they are relationships, friendships, adventures, work etc.
To me, we are all chocolate chip cookies. This delectable mixture of buttery and sweet and crispy on the edges and chewy on the inside. We are something so simple, but so intricate and can derive so much pleasure at once.
The thing is, we are good on our own, when we have all our components right, when we’re balanced and measured; and that for me is when we are self-sufficient and happy on our own., So where do the relationships, partnerships, careers, friendships and adventures come in? They’re the fine sprinkling of sea salt on your cookie. They’re that extra punch that elevates all the flavors of your life and who you are, they are what bring out your best qualities and amplify them. Without that sprinkle of sea salt, you are just great the way you are, but that sprinkle, when available, will elevate you to new levels.
That concept that we should always look for our second half, or for that adventure that makes us feel alive, or that job that just completes us, to me is a misconception. We are born whole and throughout our journey in life we are still whole. If you believe that you are lacking or missing then you will always look at relationships, work, adventures from a perspective of urgent need, and not because you want to be part of it. There will always be a part of you that feels obliged, trapped, like you are, to a certain degree, forced. To be that, robs us of joy and robs us of pleasure to a certain degree.
What happens when you pursue careers, friendships, relationships, adventure and life through the mindset of wanting to be part of all this, instead of the obligatory feelings of being part of all this?
It all boils down to freedom of choice. When you choose from the mindset that this is what you want, you become more aware of your choices, more aware of how they impact you, impact those around you, and more importantly you become more aware of the consequences that come with these choices.
The sense of being incomplete makes us irrational in our choices, it raises the expectations “that we will feel whole”, we depend on external factors for our inner peace and our sense of completion, which is an equation that simply won’t add up. We end up chasing through life frantically, with a sense of urgency that there is always something that needs to be added to make us feel more complete, another chocolate chip to our cookie, that without it we are incomplete.
Rarely do we have the self-awareness to pause and think of what the value added from these pursuits are, what do they elevate in me, what do they make shine, what do they enhance. That to me, should be the basis of every interaction, relationship, adventure and pursuit.
So as this decade comes to an end, I put together my intentions for 2020. This time I decided on intentions and not resolutions, because they feel more genuine to me. My intention is to work on my inner self, on my personal cookie, to make it the best it can be. To be in the best state I can be, by focusing on my mind, body and soul. To constantly be in the pursuit of that extra sprinkle of sea salt that elevates my life. To understand and fully embrace that I am whole just the way I was created. I don’t need someone or something to complete me. However, I choose to add relationships, careers, adventures, partnerships, friendships and interactions to my life because I want to add that extra dimension of flavor.
May you all find your sprinkle of sea salt through life, and may you always be someone’s sea salt as well.
Just always remember, that you are enough the way you are; no one and no object or situation can make you complete. You were not born lacking, you were not born missing. We all come with layers of flavors and textures within us, and with time they are more pronounced. Chase your dreams, chase your sea salt. You are in charge of your own wellbeing. Pursue life with the mindset of wanting to be in it, not the mindset that you are obliged.
As 2019 comes to an end, I leave you with one final wish. In the words of the great Nelson Mandela “May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears”
Happy New Decade everyone, and may it be the beginning of a wonderful, delectable and sweet turn in your life.